Is anyone else growing a little weary of all the social turmoil recently? I am. In light of that, I wanted to share with you all something to make you smile.
Recently I was trying to pay some bills online. The children had each been given some sort of book learning to do. One had mathematics; another had reading; the youngest was to work on her animation for her class. All I wanted to do was pay some bills. Is that so bad? Well…it probably is.
Have you ever paid bills? Odds are that if you are an adult, you have. Maybe it’s just me, but paying bills requires a lot of focus from me. (That should read “I do better paying bills in a quiet home.”) Do you know what distracts me? Do you know what pulls at my brain more than anything in the world? Children…specifically my children.
So there I was, attempting to pay bills. No big deal, after all. I’m just keeping us in warmth and light! Keeping our beloved internet functioning! I’m only maintaining our way of life!!!! No big whoop. Totally unimportant. Anyway…my children could obviously detect the foolishness of my task, so they took the opportunity. I know you’re familiar with your own children discovering this opportunity. They say to themselves, “Dude! Mommy isn’t here! Let’s go CRAZY!” And they do. So mine decided to make my house sound like the heart of the jungle. Practically.
Naturally, I sweetly asked them to silence themselves. I gently reminded them that they all had work to do. I even did the “right” thing by taking all sorts of deep breaths. I practically hyperventilated doing it, by the way. In the end (which was really close to the beginning, actually) I found myself screeching at the top of my lungs, “STOP READING DEFINITIONS FROM THE DICTIONARY! IF YOU READ ONE MORE DEFINITION, YOU ARE ALL GROUNDED FROM SPEAKING!”
Yes. That is what I yelled. Not my finest moment. In my defense, my kids had somehow mad some sort of raucous game with these definitions. This was not a typical search for definitions. Just…let your imagination run wild and try to picture it.
Then I sat at the computer for about 5 minutes laughing. I mean, COME ON! Really?! Who yells at their children to stop reading definitions?! I’ll tell you who. Homeschoolers. So I sat and laughed for a great long while at all the fantastically ridiculous things that have come out of my mouth simply because I homeschool. It’s insane, really. We’re talking “put her in a padded white room” insane. Which lead me to think I might have crossed the line into insanity.
So I did the logical thing anyone would do when they are concerned about their mental health. I consulted the internet. 🙂 I needed to either confirm or negate my hysterical diagnosis. I checked to see if I needed to plan a trip to the funny farm by asking other homeschoolers if they spout insanity too. Gold. Mine. I giggled and giggled over their answers. I have been given permission to share them, so have a read. Trust me. It’s worth it. And if you have any to add, I would love to hear them! Some are mind, but they are all anonymous because I forgot to ask permission to use names. 🙂
“Come out of the bathroom. I know you’re in there hiding with a book. You need to stop reading all the time. There are other things you need to be doing”.
“I know you’re hiding your math book under your pillow. Stop doing math and go to sleep!” — It was 11pm. Child was 8.
I have three boys so we get lots of “put the sword down and finish your math.”
”No weapons at dinner (or devotion or family prayers….)”
“Why is the pickle juice pink?”
”Stop reading and go to sleep”
”Take that debate to the other room, so we can finish ours in here.”
“Stop reading!” OR before I homeschooled I said “I could NEVER homeschool”.
“Stop stealing my book! Do you need your own copy?”
“Why is the living room furniture blocking the doorway?” (defending the Alamo)
“Why am I finding Fels-Naptha taped to doors & furniture around the house?” (It was C4)
“No, Stargate SG-1 cannot be history today.” (This is a favorite of mine!)
12 y/o boy: “I’m going to throw away the chicken now, unless its cool, then ill keep it!” (Regarding the mummy chicken we made)
“No. You cannot *actually* stab your brother in the back.” They were reenacting Julius Caesar’s murder.
“You can’t do your homework until you go out and play”
“Stop licking the dog.”
“It’s 2 AM, please put the book down!”
”You’ve been working on math for SIX hours, you should probably eat something!”
”Sure, you can go to the Temple during school time today!”
”Honestly, how many gallons of vinegar and lbs of baking soda did you use?!”
”School is under…or in the tree today!”
”Yes, you may dig in the dirt for school time!”
“Sure, you can bake for math today. Double the recipe and make a plate for 6 families.”
“You’re grounded from Greek mythology.” A week later, “You’re grounded from Roman mythology.”
My oldest child of all girls, made an armory of breast plates, shields, and swords out of our moving boxes. I had to tell her to clear a space in the garage to keep it all.
“When did you learn to sew?!” after my 11 year old took a pair of her worn out jeans and sewed a little bag for her 2 yr old sister and embroidered one of her favorite cartoon characters on it for Christmas.
“Absolutely no more science experiments involving food coloring. Period.”
“Yes, you can play LEGO and listen to an audio book.”
“I don’t want you to make fake blood for the ending scene of Hamlet. It will ruin your clothes.”
Boys made a milk jug raft last spring and the 4 year old named it “The Girl”. This lead to…”ok boys, get on The Girl.” “Get off The Girl.” “Make sure you don’t fall off ‘The Girl'”. And after they took it on a river, capsized and almost drowned… “I don’t like The Girl!” “I am never getting on The Girl again!!!!!”
“Do I have to ground you from books again?!”
(From my 10 yr. old boy)”Can we PLEASE go open a savings account today? I’m losing out on all that compounding interest the longer we wait!”
“Our library fees are close to $100 again…”
“Please remove the chicken from my bedroom.”
“Stop running in the hallway!” (It makes me sort of laugh at how school-ish I sound when I say it, but it keeps the baby sleeping when they tiptoe instead of run.)
“Don’t do your schoolwork on your sister!”- 4year old was laying across the 2year old with her book on her sister’s face
“No more magic school bus today!” It used to be my favorite as a kid and adult now I almost cry when we turn it on. Haha
My mom used to tell us we could not do our school work in the Water Buffalo pen. It sucked. They were our favorite!
“Please do not use your sandwich as a bookmark.”
“I’m afraid Captain Underpants does not count as a classic.”
“Please clean the doghouse before you use it for your study nook.”
“Why are there Barbies in the freezer?”
“Absolutely no more experiments with centrifugal force in the kitchen.”
“Oh! There’s mold on the bread! Go grab the microscope!”
***Incidentally, I am assured now that I am indeed quite sane. No worries.***
Take It, and Be Thankful