Let’s Talk Clean 1/2

I’ve been AWOL. You’ve noticed. To make it worse, you’ve missed me. Don’t lie. Your secret is safe with me. Don’t even worry about it. Everybody feels the same way. 😉

The good news is that I wasn’t doing anything enjoyable. Doesn’t that make you feel better? I spent the last several days cleaning my home. But wait, you say, don’t you clean your home every day? Indeed, my good friends. Indeed I do. This was no mere cleaning. Think of this as a cleansing. I don’t know…sort of like…repentance for the home. It was washed clean. It was made new again. Truly.

Why did I give my home a good cleansing? One word. Inspections. Shudder. At this stage in our lives we are renting, and per our lease agreement we have 6 month inspections. Not too big of a deal, but still. The managers come to see how well the property is being maintained and if we have any needs from them. To be honest, I have always appreciated the inspections. It’s nice to have a reason to crack the whip and get my house in tip-top shape without me and my own desires being the reason. 🙂 But this time…well…word in the ‘hood was that new management was freshly spewed from hell’s bloody maw itself. She was failing everyone. So when that notice showed up on my door, I felt the shadow of doom fall upon me. It was time to take cleaning to a whole new level. I needed to become…my mother.Oh-no

My mom is the Queen of Clean. Growing up we all had chores. Like, the real ones. We didn’t have a farm or anything, but we still knew how to work…because of our chores…that we did everyday…before and after school…and on Saturdays. Oh sure, we had to make our beds and clean our rooms, but those weren’t actually listed as chores! Nope. Scrubbing toilets…every day…by hand. Sweeping floors and cleaning them by hand…every day. Dusting with a damp cloth every day (rotating rooms) and an oiled cloth on Saturdays. Sinks and mirrors every day. Tubs/showers. Weeds…everyone had to pull x/bags of weeds on Saturday. Dishes (by hand of course), counters, tables/chairs, wood (or coal for a short time) for the fireplace, start a fire, cleaning the stove out, cleaning the fireplace, cleaning the garage, windows… You get the point. And by the way? It all had to be CLEAN!!! Not “kid clean”. She taught us. She would teach us and re-teach us until we could do it alone. And then she always checked it lest we try to get away with crap work (because kids will always try to get away with crap work!!). Then, for a short time, she also had a cleaning business. She did commercial jobs, residential jobs, and move-outs/move-ins (whatever you call them). And the older kids helped. Lucky. Me.😒 Can I just say that I hate cleaning up other people’s filth? Scrubbing walls of empty apartments would actually make me dry heave. Looking back I realize how kind she was. She really spared me the horribly gag-errific jobs. I seriously would have barfed in the bathrooms. No lying. I could barely scrub the kitchen cupboards. Sometimes I would cry inside while I cleaned. It was awful. People are just gross. Ew. I think that is when I grew to despise people the most…cleaning up after them. HAHAHA! But…that woman knew how to make a place shine. Like…SHINE. And she passed that skill on whether I wanted it or not. 😉

graduationSo this week, I used it. And my kids graduated from all their years of baby chores into the realm of real work. And what a ceremony it was…they wept, they groaned, they shouted…and they scrubbed like proper minions.😈 All their years of training paid off. Yesssssss! And of course, according to the laws of the universe Mr. Fantastic had to work all week and was on call all weekend while we cleaned. But…he’s no ordinary man, my Mr. Fantastic. He came home early nearly every day to help. He steamed grout. He scrubbed walls with the kids. He painted trim. He took us all to McDonald’s (GAG ME!!!!). He cleaned the garage. He saved us all when I lost my mind. And when I texted him the morning of the inspection to say that I had decided to burn down our apartment and all of our belongings instead of having it inspected, he simply offered to bring enough marshmallows for all of us to roast. Every crazy person needs a sane partner. It’s called balance. And true love. HAHA!burning house

I didn’t burn it down in the end. And we passed. Phew! But when it was over, I realized something. Well, I realized two somethings. The first thing I realized was that my mom is cray cray. HAHAHAHA! Like for reals. We all love the Grannie Annie. We just do. But I am never (fingers crossed) going to be the woman with a squeegee in the shower for daily use. I just have to let some things go. Why? Because I have a different life than she does. I’m homeschooling my kids. I have different priorities. I just do. I have to let the crazy clean go. I need to be OK with just clean. A good solid cleansing every 6 months though is totally fine with me. But it has to be on my deadline. Meeting the deadlines of others puts me over the edge. HA! Anyway. The second thing I realized is that I have been given a chance to share something with the world! I do have some knowledge that can make your cleaning easier if you want it. A chance to make YOUR lives easier! Will you let me do that for you? Will you let me share a couple of things with you that just make things better? Because there are things that make not just soul cleansing your home easier, but daily cleaning too. Like…8 trillion times easier. At least. Not even lying. And guess what? I don’t even get paid for this. HAHAHA! I just want you all to know because that’s the kind of person I am. Because when things are clean and orderly, there’s a part of my soul that just sort of fits and sits peacefully inside me. Like a puzzle piece that has been all out of whack and rolling around. And then…clean! And…settle…and…peace. *sigh* Calm. Yes. That’s how it feels. It’s beautiful. And I want to give you that feeling. HAHAHA! And clearly I know what I’m talking about after that story…because Satan’s spawn gave me two thumbs up. HA! Oh, but disclaimer. Don’t get all uppity about chemicals with me. If you don’t like chemicals…then…I don’t know what to tell you. Don’t drink water? HA! Kidding. You know what I mean. If you want “naturally occurring” chemicals, that’s not what you will find here. I don’t like them. They don’t seem to “naturally” clean my stuff well. And that’s the end of that. 🙂 To each his own. So, if you want the information, I made it a totally separate post. It’s the Let’s Talk Clean 2/2. In that one I list the stuff that I love the most and just a couple of tips. Some of them you might know, some you might not. Anyway. That’s it. 🙂 I have recovered sufficiently from my own hell week (and a half). I learned some stuff. The kidlets learned some stuff. And Mr. Fanastic learned some stuff…about his crazy wife. HAHAHA!  All good things. alls well that ends well

Take It, and Be Thankful


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